AGs moment of the week

Keeping it simple, here is our Armchair Gurus moment of the week!



Wenger really is a sore loser which is surprising considering he has had 6 years of practice. -TG

TGs Chelsea Opinion

Thanks to big first-leg leads the only juicy game of the Champions League quarter-finals was Utd Vs Chelsea. Extra juicy as the Armchair Gurus team consists of myself, an ardent Red and MB, a loyal Blue. By now we all know the result(Man Utd winning, I repeat, Winning) but what is going on at Chelsea? Here at the Chateaux we wear our bias on our sleeves so here is TGs red-tinted evaluation of Chelsea.


I hope Chelsea don't sack Carlo. Firstly he is one of the PLs sexiest managers. Secondly, given time, he is the kind of manager who can establish a base for the next generation of Chelsea teams. Lampard, Terry, Drogba are all at the tail end of their careers so next season the team should be built around players like Luiz and yes, Torres.  My thoughts on Torres is that he is best suited to being a lone striker, it's how he has been most successful with Athletico and Liverpool, and when playing for Spain his strike partner Villa tends to play from a wide position. Talk of him leaving in the summer seems ridiculous to me but then with Roman calling the shots anything is possible.

In real life he is 'waafer theen'

I hate Frank Lampard and think he is far from world-class. But it is hard to criticise a player who consistently gets 20 goals a year from midfield. This year Frank in on 10 goals. Here are my criticisms of Frank Lampard:
-Doesn't win the ball.
-Cannot run with the ball.
-Unexeceptional passer.
-Mother is in the ground, not the sky(strictly an atheist criticism but valid nonetheless).
-Despite obviously not being fat, he is fat.

Chelsea need to start developing youth players. When the only regular home-grown player is 30 year old John Terry you know there are issues(just for comparison I count seven regular starters for Utd -Giggs,Scholes, Brown, O'Shea, Fletcher, Gibson, Evans). And Terry himself hasn't exactly been the greatest influence in recent years. Sturridge has done well on loan but will Roman accept a less-than-stellar name leading his front line? it remains to be seen. 


Chelsea have had some great success and come a long way from when Roman first arrived on the scene in his platinum plated yatch, but you cannot buy long term success, you have to build from the ground up. I hope Chelsea do, As there is nothing I enjoy more than Rubbing MBs face in another Champions League Victory over the Blues. -TG

Cult Heroes - Jose Dominguez

The English game is famous for being tough and physical and that's how we like it here at AG. But some people are born to go against the grain, to overcome obstacles even at the expense of looking a bit out of place. So we present you with the smallest player ever in the Premier League - Jose Dominguez.


Strangely for a Portuguese national, Jose began his career at Birmingham City in the old First Division. Despite Birmingham being relegated he was selected by the top brass at Sporting to replace none other than Luis Figo who had just moved to Barcelona. Although he fell short of the heights of his predecessor he moved to Spurs in 1997. He was a tricky winger with fast feet and a good burst of acceleration - also the ability to run between larger players legs or hide in long grass proved useful.


At 5'4" he was the embodiment of pluck and determination when faced with brutish English defenders. Although he was in and out of the Spurs side, he was a fan favourite during a relatively successful period - Spurs won the League Cup in 99 - and he helped to prove that there is a place for smaller, more technical players in the Premier League. -TG

Some Perspective: Dominguez, Crouch and worlds tallest player Kristof van Hout

Player of the Year - Nearly

So the PFA player of the year shortlist has been announced and the list is sparking some controversy here at the Chateaux. Sure, Nasri, Tevez, Bale, Adam, Parker, Van Der Vaart and Vidic have all had good seasons or at least good spells, but we feel there are some names that are missing so here is AGs forgotten men for this season.

Andy Carroll
At Newcastle he caused all sorts of problems with his no-nonsense physical play. Earned a January move to Liverpool becoming one of British footballs most expensive players in the process. Received his first England call-up and bagged his first international goal too. Sure there has been some off-field controversy and he has his injury problems but really it hasn't been a bad season for the big man.

Dimitar Berbatov
It's rare that the seasons top scorer doesn't get a nomination but the Bulgarian is left out despite his 22 goals. Perhaps the fact that his goals have been concentrated in a few high scoring games, including bagging 5 against Blackburn, has counted against him. Regardless it seems he has finally settled into the Manchester United team and along with Rooney and Hernandez forms a truly scary front-line.

Nani
Nominated in the young player category but probably the biggest suprise omission from the main list. Nani has the done the one thing that he most often chastised for and been consistent. 9 goals and more assists than anyone else in the league isn't enough apparently. It is probably the fact that there are still too many theatrics in his game which make him unpopular among his peers. But at least Al-Fayed likes him enough to erect a statue of him outside Craven Cottage.

David Silva
The Spaniard has enjoyed a great debut season at Eastlands showing speed and technique that makes English wingers look decidely...well, English. I thought he would be too lightweight for the league but really the only thing that has held him back this season are the sometimes unambitious tactics of Man City.

Robin Van Persie
Put simply, Van Persie is the reason that Arsenal are a great team. Without him they lack the clinical edge and drop points as a result. His return from injury saw the Gunners go from Top four probables to real title contenders. Sadly, it seems he just cannot remain fit for an entire season, but with other players on the list going through bad patches or with injury problems of their own, we don't see why he didn't deserve a nod.




So there you go. But we don't choose the list, so if I had to bet on a winner my head would say Nasri, but I'm going for the dark-horse outside gamble with none other than this man:

Carlos Tevez - TG

Sexiest Managers in Football

I will be honest with you, Mrs TG  isn't much of a sports fan, but she does seem to sit up and take notice when a handsome sportsman flashes up on the plasma(she is a very shallow woman). So here, just for those of you who appreciate the male form is a run-down of Armchair Guru's sexiest football managers.

#5 - Harry Redknapp
No, we aren't being ironic and just filling the list with mongs such as Iain Dowie and Avram Grant, Harry has earned his place at number 5. What Harry maybe lacks in conventional chiselled looks he makes up for with his 'triffic genetics. I'm no scientist but i'm lead to believe we find people attractive because they are potentially good for mating purposes. If you want your son to be good looking Harry will provide! Jamie Redknapp somehow emerged from Harry's viscera and ladies, he could do the same for you! 

#4 - Carlo Ancellotti
He's just a big cuddly teddy bear isn't he? Carlo comes across as a mans man but also has that Italian passion. not to mention the most over-active right eyebrow in the world. Since coming to Chelsea he has satisfied a crowd that has been accustomed to good looking managers, but after Mourinho they had to suffer through Big Phil Scolari and Avram Grant - this would not do, so Ancellotti was brought in to seduce the crowd. It didn't hurt that he also lead Chelsea to a Premier League and FA Cup double, but it was mainly the eyebrow.

#3 - Leonardo
Brazillians are a sexy bunch, so it is no suprise to find the new Inter Milan coach coming in at number three. Similar to Carlo Ancellotti in that Jose Mourinho had heightened expectations at Inter and Rafa Benitez just didn't have the chops(or maybe he had too many). Leonardo at 41 still maintains much of his youthfulness and is accustomed to Italian style. As an added bonus, should he need to protect his woman he has a mean elbow as this video shows.

#2 - Roberto Mancini
Few people can make a Manchester City scarf look stylish, Roberto Mancini is one of those people. The pragmatic Italian may have been criticised for his defensive approach on the pitch but when it comes to seduction Roberto is playing a 3-4-3 all out attack formation. The silver fox is the most handsome of the current Premier League managers and it seems unlikely that subjecting Tony Pulis to botox injections will change that.

#1 - Jose Mourinho
Yes, of course. Who else but the special one? The Portguese has had huge success as a manager with Porto, Chelsea and Inter Milan, and now the Galactico club Real Madrid has the Galactico manager. Mourinho matches sartorial cool with unrivalled swagger, charisma and confidence and as a combo it is hard to beat. Jose is rumoured to want a return to the Premier League so we can look forward to seeing more of our number one sexiest manager in the future.

Honourary Mention - Alan Curbishley
It would be lax of me, when discussing sexy managers, not to share a little incident that happened at the AG chateaux a few years back. MB, myself and a few others were sat down on a Saturday night to watch the highlights of the days action. when newly installed West Ham manager Alan Curbishley appeared on screen for his post match interview, MB, in a moment of obscene judgement, decided to say 'Hasn't he got nice eyes'. 

This was not the thing to say in a room full of high-powered alpha males. Using our contacts in the sports world, we promptly fired off a letter to Alan at Upton Park in which MB explained how wondrous he found Alan's eyes and declaring his availability for a little bit of man-on-man bonding. We never received a reply but West Ham suffered a bad run of form and each week Alan was looking more worse for wear. MB had obviously awakened a longing within Alan and it was affecting his work.

Shortly after, Alan resigned as West Ham manager citing board interference. We know the truth. Mr Curbishley has not managed a team since. We are sorry Alan. -TG